Dating Diaries #2

I was feeling sorry for myself; watching tv, eating ice cream out of the container, my dogs in the "sit" position staring at me cocking their heads from side to side, when I get a text from M (single dad, think I kinda like him, etc.) He says "How are you doing?" I waited quite some time to respond - not because I play headgames but because I didn't know what to say. My defense mechanisms are so strong lately that honestly my first response to the weekend's events (Or, lack of events) is to just call it quits where we are. That's how I won't get hurt, right? Basically the text messages go back and forth:

"How are you doing?"
"Good, how are you?"
"Good, just leaving the office. was _______ all day" (privacy issues folks, you understand)
"I was under the impression we had plans tonight..."
"I knew we had talked about it but didn't know we had confirmed. I'm sorry. It's been a crazy busy weekend with ____."

This is where I laid out all the cards..."I have had my heartbroken and in both situations, the red flags were inconsistencies. My defense mechanisms are telling me to call it as I see it" (or something to that effect)

Long story short (too late!) he likes me, he wants to see where this can go...blah blah blah. So, I will see where it can go, knowing full-well that Aaron, Jason the Dentist and Tony all showed inconsistencies in the beginning and all ended in heart break of some sort. Not to mention the fact that when I am 'dating' someone and not interested, I am all about being inconsistent!

He is traveling for work this week. I wont get my hopes up but maybe we will see each other this weekend. Lauren's boyfriend is in town this weekend, I would like to give them some space and privacy. :) And, I have ulterior motives.

Kids are wonderful; Tyler is still all "puffed up" from Agility class yesterday. I love that little bug so much. Mom says I need to actually write a letter to Misha; hence the title of my blog. We will see. I started a memoir of sorts, in memory (is that redundant?) of her, and can't go back to it without crying. In fact, when we were in the Ozarks, mom and I were sitting in the living room (with...our view of the lake, Uh huh, that's the way we roll) talking about how to write a memoir, I pulled up my laptop and actually started reading her some of what I have begun for Misha and couldn't finish the sentence I started. Very difficult to deal with still.

So, I'm pretty much inundated with training for my new position. There is so much to learn. It's difficult to stay focused sometimes. I realize I am so blessed to be at a company I love, with people I love and doing something that challenges me.

Sarah H called me last night - someone had heartlessly dumped a kitten in her neighborhood. She wanted me to find a home for it. Thank GOD I am allergic to cats. I put my feelers out there but she ended up finding a home for it herself! Yay!! Another one to a good home! Makes me very sad for the rest of the litter, and the heartless and cruel people who own the mother. Wonder what kind of life she is living that the people see her offspring as disposable.

Ooooh yeah - went to Tommy and Bibi's Friday night for a SCRUMPTUOUS dinner. I love being close to them. I love that we are so chill; our relationship is so mellow. Tommy called as I was walking to the bus stop after work and extended the invitation to have dinner with them. I learned Lauren would be home that evening (certainly dont want the kids going all day AND all night without someone home), went over there around 7 and stayed for several hours. Dinner was yummy, conversation was chill and funny, and Grace is SO FUCKING GORGEOUS I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH. I was sitting on the love seat, Grace pulled her little peanut butt up there, straddled me, looked at me, and laid her head on me. I will cherish that moment forever.

Thanks for reading.

Dating Diaries

I told CD on Friday that I didn't want to see him anymore. I told him it wasn't a good time for me to date. I anticipated things working out (for awhile at least) with M. Well, I guess what goes around comes around - I honestly feel I have had so much "comes around" the rest of my life should be "goes around". Last week was so very odd; when it rains it pours. When you stop looking, potential suitors come out of the workwork. T - back from a month ago, emailed me he was sorry, blah blah blah. Another random "will you have lunch with me" email, and things starting to heat up with M, the single father. Well, he sends me texts and emails that he really likes me, can't stop thinking about me, etc. but is pretty inconsistent when it comes to actually walking the walk. I've been there-done that - and am not in the mood for it again. That is for sure. We were supposed to see each other tonight - here it is 6:00pm and I haven't heard from him. Of course, when he does call he can just talk to my voicemail. Is it really too difficult to be in a relationship with someone who has a child?

In addition to all this, I started my new position at work. I LOVE IT. I love the new team I am working with; the women are all so great and positive. Such a change from before. Although it is very bittersweet as I never talk with my old crew anymore. In fact, relations are very strained between me and one of my old crew members. She was always the "mean girl" but since I was on "her side" I never felt the wrath. Now, it's like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. Honestly, I am too fucking old for these games. You treat me like shit once, it's pretty much over. Sucks though, because I really do miss her. She was a good friend. Its not like it can even be chalked off to a "miscommunication" because it wasn't at all. Really, really unfortunate. We have a few things in common; places of interest, and we work together so its not like I wont see her but its just really unfortunate we can't at least be cordial to each other. I wont kiss anyone's ass - especially the mean girl's.

AND I googled my name and realized this blog comes up so I need to give that some thought as well. I will not begin censoring however I do realize that anyone can read my blog.

Okay well, I'm going to feed the kids now. Thanks for reading.

Not Retiring From the Blogging Business....

So I got an email from my brother that said "Out of the Blog Business already?" Smart ass. No, I am not. I missed it too! Between my last post and this, so much has happened I dont even know where to start? Sister flew into town, family vacation (DRAMA) lots of sun, napping (smiley face!) missed the dogs, Lauren took such good care of them, missed Misha quite a bit, lots of memories of Aaron the Dbag because he was there last summer. Getting over fear of water, went jet-skiing (DROVE the jet ski!) amy proud of me, slept in teeny-tiny twin bed while the "marrieds" got the SUITE!! Cooked fajitas, Amy should open a 'pretty-food-on-the-plate' restaurant, actually read a book (well, 3/4 of it) talked to several of my "flavors" via text and email while on vacation, thought I liked one - CD - met him when I got back, liked him but not for me. Met another of my flavors earlier this week - really like him although he is divorced and has a son which is fine and i'm learning that maybe my 'type' is not the 'type' i need at all and the divorced fathers out there are mature, Loving, caring, faithful, and supportive and that is what i need...anyway I dont know if i can handle the drama that goes along with a divorce and child custody i mean, i could never see or talk to Aaron again - and I certainly couldn't have him calling me or picking up someTHING from my house every week. I just dont know. Plus, we all talk about what is most important to us; I talk about my family and my dogs and my job. Hence, if you have a child you're going to talk about the child a lot, in turn discussing the "ex-factor" quite a bit as well.

Way too much to say about it and I have to get going for now but...I know we all have "baggage" (not that a child is baggage but the ex-factor certainly is) never mind the fact that I had my heart broken so viciously by someone who clearly wasn't over their ex- so, what's to say my flavor - M- is over his son's mother?

We'll chat later:)