The following is a statement from a Juneteenth Directors in Alaska:By Gwendolyn Alexander, President
“As for Governor Sarah Palin’s involvement in the African American community, the Governor’s office hasn’t participated in any of our Alaska Juneteenth Events. All previous Alaskan Governor’s have traditionally attended and participated in our annual Juneteenth Celebration. Gov. Palin was the first governor not to send out a congratulatory letter or assist us in any way with our Juneteenth activities.I didn’t have the courtesy of receiving a reply when I asked for a representative from the Governor’s office to come and speak at our Juneteenth Celebration if Governor Palin was unable to attend. I never even heard of Gov. Palin until she was elected Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, in Mat-Su Valley.
Governor Palin is a very energetic and spontaneous woman. With some of the things being said and going around this state right now, I’m surprised none of the national media have bothered to come here and get the words directly from the mouths of the people who have lived with her all of these years instead of ’surfing the net!’
My other opinion is why would an individual who, to my knowledge, has not hired any African-Americans on her gubernatorial staff, insist so passionately on being on a television show owned and operated by an African American, Oprah Winfrey?While meeting with black leaders concerning the absence of any African-Americans on her staff, Gov. Palin responded that she doesn’t have to hire any blacks and was not intending to hire any. What kind of attitude is this toward African-American for who may be the first Vice-President of the United States?I understand Oprah did have Senator Obama on her show a few times and was the main person raising funds for him “before” the presidency race was in full swing. However, the key point here is that it is Oprah’s prerogative not be used as a pawn to tilt the vote one way or another. Oprah has stated repeatedly that she wasn’t going to have one side or the other on her show by choice. I thought that was what the Civil Rights Movement was all about, a persons right to make their own choices. I guess this isn’t a Democracy at all anymore.”
Gwendolyn Alexander, PresidentAfrican American Historical Society of Alaska, Inc.Alaska Juneteenth CelebrationP. O. Box 143105Anchorage AK 99514907 884-6860 email: aahsa@gci.net www.juneteenthalaska.com www.entertainmealaska.com/aahsa http://straighttalkexpresswatch.wordpress.com/2008/09/1...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Horrific Abuse at Iowa Farm -
(www.cnn.com) An undercover video taken at an Iowa pig farm shows workers hitting sows with metal rods, slamming piglets on a concrete floor and bragging about jamming rods up into sows' hindquarters.
The pork industry and a Hormel spokesperson say animal abuse is unacceptable and not the norm.
On the video, obtained by The Associated Press, a supervisor tells an undercover investigator for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that when he gets angry or a sow won't move, "I grab one of these rods and jam it in her [anus]."
The farm outside Bayard, Iowa, about 60 miles west of Des Moines, is a supplier to Hormel Foods of Austin, Minnesota. PETA wants to use the results of the investigation to pressure Hormel, the maker of Spam and other food products, to demand that its suppliers ensure humane treatment of pigs.
Hormel spokeswoman Julie Henderson Craven on Tuesday called the abuses "completely unacceptable."
The animal rights group also planned to send the video to the sheriff in Greene County, Iowa, seeking prosecution of 18 people on animal cruelty violations. According to PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich, the video shows eight people directly abusing animals.
"Abuse on factory farms is the absolute norm, not the exception, and anyone eating factory-farmed meat is paying to support it," Friedrich said.
After getting a whistleblower complaint from someone inside the farm, PETA sent two undercover investigators to be hired at the farm and document its practices -- one from June 10 to September 8, and the other from July 23 to September 11.
At one point on the video, an employee shouts to an investigator, "Hurt 'em! There's nobody works for PETA out here. You know who PETA is?"
The undercover PETA investigator replies that he's heard of the group.
"I hate them. These [expletives] deserve to be hurt. Hurt, I say!," the employee yells as he hits a sow with a metal rod. "Hurt! Hurt! Hurt! Hurt! ... Take out your frustrations on 'em." He encourages the investigator to pretend that one of the pigs scared off a voluptuous and willing 17- or 18-year-old girl, and then beat the pig for it.
Records at the Greene County Assessor's Office show the property was owned by Natural Pork Production II LLP of Iowa until August 18, and then was transferred to MowMar LLP of Fairmont, Minnesota.
Lynn Becker, an owner of MowMar, called the abuses on the video "completely intolerable, reprehensible. We condemn these types of acts. If any animals were abused in the brief time we've owned the farm, if we still employ these people, any attempt will be made to investigate and initiate corrective action immediately."
Becker said his company provided animal welfare training to the staff when it took over the farm.
Natural Pork Production II referred questions to AMVC Management Services, which managed the farm under its ownership. Mark Jones, AMVC's network manager, said the video showed "unacceptable practices" and that his company is working with the new ownership to investigate.
Craven, the Hormel spokeswoman, said the farm became a Hormel supplier only after the change in ownership, and that MowMar "shares our commitment to animal welfare and humane handling."
"We expect all current suppliers to adhere to the proper animal handling standards from day one and continue to do so throughout our relationship. We are working with our supplier to ensure this activity is no longer taking place," Hormel said in a statement on its Web site.
Craven said it was her understanding that the abuses took place before the change in ownership. But PETA's Friedrich said the abuses continued, and that the new manager abused animals by shocking and kicking pigs.
Dr. Jennifer Greiner, a veterinarian and director of science and technology at the National Pork Producers Council, said the industry condemns "willful abuse" of pigs and that the video depicts acts that are not acceptable.
"Our industry is committed to handling pigs humanely," she said. "My industry is full of good people."
At one point in the video, workers are shown slamming piglets on the ground, a practice designed to instantly kill those baby pigs that aren't healthy enough. But on the video, the piglets are not killed instantly, and in a bloodied pile, some piglets can be seen wiggling vainly. The video also shows piglets being castrated, and having their tails cut off, without anesthesia.
Temple Grandin, a leading animal welfare expert who serves as a consultant to the livestock industry, said that while those are standard industry practices, the treatment of the sows on the video was far from it.
"This is atrocious animal abuse," Grandin said after PETA sent her the video. But she disagreed with PETA's contention that it was widespread in the industry.
"I've been on many good farms, and the pigs are handled gently," she said. "This was blatant, deliberate animal cruelty. These people are sick. They need to be prosecuted. There are certain people that enjoy hurting animals and they should not be working with them -- period."
One of the PETA investigators, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to protect his ability to do further undercover operations, said there was a culture of violence on the farm, and working there was an emotionally and physically exhausting experience that typically involved working 12-hour shifts and walking 15 miles a day.
"So many times, it took all of my willpower not to step up and do something," he said, adding that he also saw the supervisor shove a cane into a sow's vagina. "I was just shocked. What do you say to that?"
The pork industry and a Hormel spokesperson say animal abuse is unacceptable and not the norm.
On the video, obtained by The Associated Press, a supervisor tells an undercover investigator for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that when he gets angry or a sow won't move, "I grab one of these rods and jam it in her [anus]."
The farm outside Bayard, Iowa, about 60 miles west of Des Moines, is a supplier to Hormel Foods of Austin, Minnesota. PETA wants to use the results of the investigation to pressure Hormel, the maker of Spam and other food products, to demand that its suppliers ensure humane treatment of pigs.
Hormel spokeswoman Julie Henderson Craven on Tuesday called the abuses "completely unacceptable."
The animal rights group also planned to send the video to the sheriff in Greene County, Iowa, seeking prosecution of 18 people on animal cruelty violations. According to PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich, the video shows eight people directly abusing animals.
"Abuse on factory farms is the absolute norm, not the exception, and anyone eating factory-farmed meat is paying to support it," Friedrich said.
After getting a whistleblower complaint from someone inside the farm, PETA sent two undercover investigators to be hired at the farm and document its practices -- one from June 10 to September 8, and the other from July 23 to September 11.
At one point on the video, an employee shouts to an investigator, "Hurt 'em! There's nobody works for PETA out here. You know who PETA is?"
The undercover PETA investigator replies that he's heard of the group.
"I hate them. These [expletives] deserve to be hurt. Hurt, I say!," the employee yells as he hits a sow with a metal rod. "Hurt! Hurt! Hurt! Hurt! ... Take out your frustrations on 'em." He encourages the investigator to pretend that one of the pigs scared off a voluptuous and willing 17- or 18-year-old girl, and then beat the pig for it.
Records at the Greene County Assessor's Office show the property was owned by Natural Pork Production II LLP of Iowa until August 18, and then was transferred to MowMar LLP of Fairmont, Minnesota.
Lynn Becker, an owner of MowMar, called the abuses on the video "completely intolerable, reprehensible. We condemn these types of acts. If any animals were abused in the brief time we've owned the farm, if we still employ these people, any attempt will be made to investigate and initiate corrective action immediately."
Becker said his company provided animal welfare training to the staff when it took over the farm.
Natural Pork Production II referred questions to AMVC Management Services, which managed the farm under its ownership. Mark Jones, AMVC's network manager, said the video showed "unacceptable practices" and that his company is working with the new ownership to investigate.
Craven, the Hormel spokeswoman, said the farm became a Hormel supplier only after the change in ownership, and that MowMar "shares our commitment to animal welfare and humane handling."
"We expect all current suppliers to adhere to the proper animal handling standards from day one and continue to do so throughout our relationship. We are working with our supplier to ensure this activity is no longer taking place," Hormel said in a statement on its Web site.
Craven said it was her understanding that the abuses took place before the change in ownership. But PETA's Friedrich said the abuses continued, and that the new manager abused animals by shocking and kicking pigs.
Dr. Jennifer Greiner, a veterinarian and director of science and technology at the National Pork Producers Council, said the industry condemns "willful abuse" of pigs and that the video depicts acts that are not acceptable.
"Our industry is committed to handling pigs humanely," she said. "My industry is full of good people."
At one point in the video, workers are shown slamming piglets on the ground, a practice designed to instantly kill those baby pigs that aren't healthy enough. But on the video, the piglets are not killed instantly, and in a bloodied pile, some piglets can be seen wiggling vainly. The video also shows piglets being castrated, and having their tails cut off, without anesthesia.
Temple Grandin, a leading animal welfare expert who serves as a consultant to the livestock industry, said that while those are standard industry practices, the treatment of the sows on the video was far from it.
"This is atrocious animal abuse," Grandin said after PETA sent her the video. But she disagreed with PETA's contention that it was widespread in the industry.
"I've been on many good farms, and the pigs are handled gently," she said. "This was blatant, deliberate animal cruelty. These people are sick. They need to be prosecuted. There are certain people that enjoy hurting animals and they should not be working with them -- period."
One of the PETA investigators, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to protect his ability to do further undercover operations, said there was a culture of violence on the farm, and working there was an emotionally and physically exhausting experience that typically involved working 12-hour shifts and walking 15 miles a day.
"So many times, it took all of my willpower not to step up and do something," he said, adding that he also saw the supervisor shove a cane into a sow's vagina. "I was just shocked. What do you say to that?"
Monday, September 15, 2008
Obama'08
I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.
* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Bristol, Piper, Trig and Track you're a maverick.
* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the Illinois State Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.
* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.OK, much clearer now.
* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.
* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Bristol, Piper, Trig and Track you're a maverick.
* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the Illinois State Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.
* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.OK, much clearer now.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Relationships...and age?
As we age we become more mature, more solution-oriented, better communicators, more sincere and empathetic, more generous and caring. At least, we like to think so. I do know, in the past 5-6 years I have come leaps and bounds; I have become more empathetic, more patient, generous, understanding and solution-oriented. My conflict-resolution skills, although no where near perfection, have become useful and my communication skills have improved.
So, why does it seem not everyone else has improved with age, as well? This blog is somewhat scatter-brained so stick with me. A few of my relationships have been troubling me lately, and I have troubled myself in handling a relationship or two.
I have what some refer to as the "toxic friendship". We have been friends for several years, although we were better friends back in my partying days. I am not really sure what either one of us get out of the relationship, and whenever we spend time together I exit the situation feeling a little less than warm and fuzzy inside. I feel like I am a difficult person to get to know and am somewhat guarded, and I realize this and am working on it. As of late, I have noticed anytime I am in a social situation, albeit coffee, lunch, dinner, etc., I am the one initiating conversation and asking questions. In this particular relationship, they are very eager to learn about my life however it is very forced and feels like a job interview or a first date. There was also a situation in this friendship where I feel I was betrayed and wasn't defended when the case arose. I forgive and forget but, if I am not feeling any benefits from the friendship, what is the point?
I also have a relationship where, unfortunately I am quite sure there is some jealousy involved. When you love someone you should be happy for them and proud of them, yet I feel like when I make decisions or am blessed with certain situations, this relationship is strained because they chose a different road in life and therefore were never able to take advantage of everything that I am. Thing is, these relationships are so "the grass is always greener" because I so badly want to be married and have a child...I just haven't "settled" and I'm quite sure they have. They ask me questions that are pointed and judgmental; not because they genuinely want to know the answer. Leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth. And, leaves me feeling sad. There are people I envy however, I would never put them down or try to burn their flame out in an attempt to make mine grow brighter.
I am also in a relationship which is somewhat casual, somewhat intense. I feel like we're on different pages and I have never compromised before. I've always seen things very clearly and, if we're on different pages, just part ways and chalk it off to a good time and good company. I know what I want, and I dont wait for it. I am somewhat conflicted because I know I need to stay out there, which I have, and keep my options open. Just seems so unnatural, you know? I feel like it isn't really fair to anyone if I am still out there yet, that is only fair to me. I've given 100% before, as in the current situation, I know when only 60% is being given back.
I have been told in the past that certain people in my life are "really hard on me". I have also been told by people close to me they feel I dont realize my worth and settle. I had coffee with a friend yesterday who pointed out that, as you get older, and are in our 'situation' people want to know what is wrong when they discover you haven't been married and have no children. People also assume as you get older you a) lower your requirements to not end up alone and/or b) you ave this wild and crazy lifestyle being that you are a bachelor/bachelorette. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I would love nothing more than to find someone to fall in love with, marry, and have a child with, at the same time my lifestyle is nothing like people would like to think (and live vicariously though). I have a small circle of close friends, my family being the majority of those relationships. I haven't lowered my expectations or requirements, and if nothing else, whereas I used to 'wait it out' for months hoping someone would end up to be what I hoped they were, I realize people dont change and don't want to waste anyone's time if it isn't going to work. What is difficult being thirty-something and "out there" is that we assume everyone wants what we want, and that certainly isn't always the case.
So, why is it I won't settle in romantic relationships, however am clearly settling in platonic relationships?
So, why does it seem not everyone else has improved with age, as well? This blog is somewhat scatter-brained so stick with me. A few of my relationships have been troubling me lately, and I have troubled myself in handling a relationship or two.
I have what some refer to as the "toxic friendship". We have been friends for several years, although we were better friends back in my partying days. I am not really sure what either one of us get out of the relationship, and whenever we spend time together I exit the situation feeling a little less than warm and fuzzy inside. I feel like I am a difficult person to get to know and am somewhat guarded, and I realize this and am working on it. As of late, I have noticed anytime I am in a social situation, albeit coffee, lunch, dinner, etc., I am the one initiating conversation and asking questions. In this particular relationship, they are very eager to learn about my life however it is very forced and feels like a job interview or a first date. There was also a situation in this friendship where I feel I was betrayed and wasn't defended when the case arose. I forgive and forget but, if I am not feeling any benefits from the friendship, what is the point?
I also have a relationship where, unfortunately I am quite sure there is some jealousy involved. When you love someone you should be happy for them and proud of them, yet I feel like when I make decisions or am blessed with certain situations, this relationship is strained because they chose a different road in life and therefore were never able to take advantage of everything that I am. Thing is, these relationships are so "the grass is always greener" because I so badly want to be married and have a child...I just haven't "settled" and I'm quite sure they have. They ask me questions that are pointed and judgmental; not because they genuinely want to know the answer. Leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth. And, leaves me feeling sad. There are people I envy however, I would never put them down or try to burn their flame out in an attempt to make mine grow brighter.
I am also in a relationship which is somewhat casual, somewhat intense. I feel like we're on different pages and I have never compromised before. I've always seen things very clearly and, if we're on different pages, just part ways and chalk it off to a good time and good company. I know what I want, and I dont wait for it. I am somewhat conflicted because I know I need to stay out there, which I have, and keep my options open. Just seems so unnatural, you know? I feel like it isn't really fair to anyone if I am still out there yet, that is only fair to me. I've given 100% before, as in the current situation, I know when only 60% is being given back.
I have been told in the past that certain people in my life are "really hard on me". I have also been told by people close to me they feel I dont realize my worth and settle. I had coffee with a friend yesterday who pointed out that, as you get older, and are in our 'situation' people want to know what is wrong when they discover you haven't been married and have no children. People also assume as you get older you a) lower your requirements to not end up alone and/or b) you ave this wild and crazy lifestyle being that you are a bachelor/bachelorette. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I would love nothing more than to find someone to fall in love with, marry, and have a child with, at the same time my lifestyle is nothing like people would like to think (and live vicariously though). I have a small circle of close friends, my family being the majority of those relationships. I haven't lowered my expectations or requirements, and if nothing else, whereas I used to 'wait it out' for months hoping someone would end up to be what I hoped they were, I realize people dont change and don't want to waste anyone's time if it isn't going to work. What is difficult being thirty-something and "out there" is that we assume everyone wants what we want, and that certainly isn't always the case.
So, why is it I won't settle in romantic relationships, however am clearly settling in platonic relationships?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.
"Copasetic"...
Stella playing with a cricket or spider...
Remembering what Misha felt like...
Rainy Sunday mornings...
Going to church...
Tyler's Chewbaca noises...
When Grace kisses me and makes her noise...
My Mom's no-special-occasion-just-thinking-of-you cards...
Paying off a credit card...
Candles....
Alone time...
Max nudging my hand to pet him...
Time with someone I care about...
Michael Vick in jail...
My Dad's laugh...
"Miss. Sarah!"...
"Drop it Like Its Hot"...
Driving in my car with the windows down...
Lunch outside at Bravo with a girlfriend...
Finding someone I care about...
Listening to someone I care about talk about something they're passionate about...
Knowing I won't get hurt...
My brother imitating me...
My brother threatening to kick the ass of some douche bag that hurt me...
Reality TV...
Dinner with my roomate Lauren...
Comfortable silences...
Starbucks and the Sunday paper...
Vaccuum lines in my carpet...
Vanilla and lavender...
Fresh sheets on my bed...
Warm bubble baths...
60 degrees...
Windows open...
Not burning the wick from both ends...
Not feeling guilty when I use retail therapy...
Retail therapy...
Grilling out...
Knowing how far I have come...
David Cook and Mathew McConaughey...
Undeniable chemistry...
Knowing someone finds me irresistable...
Needing somone...
My iPod on the bus ride home at the end of a long day...
"Leavin'" and "Before he Cheats" ringtones...
Dinner at Baja 600 with Angela...
Baking chocolate chip cookies...
Totally open Saturday when I can do whatever I want, and end up doing whatever I want...
Wedding receptions...
Chocolate almond ice cream...
The butterflies a crush gives me...
New issue of Cosmo magazine...
Chai tea Latte...
Kari, Rob and Patrick at Starbucks in City Centre Square...
"Hey There Delilah"...
Pixie cuts...
My Mom's Ramen Salad...
Birthday Cake for Jesus...
Listening to Tommy talk about politics. Actually, listening to Tommy talk about anything...
Amy moving to Kansas City...
Flannel PJ bottoms...
Flip Flops...
Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah...
Flirting...
My sister being a sex educator and knowing more than me...
When clothes fit loosely...
A good hairday...
Make-up...
Getting dressed up...
The smell of the furnace when it first kicks on every fall...
Easter...
Going out for brunch then napping all day...
Walking my dogs...
CDL...
Forgiving...
Mexican food...
"I love you."...
Daily planners...
Hope...
Celebrity gossip...
ANTM...
A great bra...
SNKC
Puppy mills getting busted...
Stella playing with a cricket or spider...
Remembering what Misha felt like...
Rainy Sunday mornings...
Going to church...
Tyler's Chewbaca noises...
When Grace kisses me and makes her noise...
My Mom's no-special-occasion-just-thinking-of-you cards...
Paying off a credit card...
Candles....
Alone time...
Max nudging my hand to pet him...
Time with someone I care about...
Michael Vick in jail...
My Dad's laugh...
"Miss. Sarah!"...
"Drop it Like Its Hot"...
Driving in my car with the windows down...
Lunch outside at Bravo with a girlfriend...
Finding someone I care about...
Listening to someone I care about talk about something they're passionate about...
Knowing I won't get hurt...
My brother imitating me...
My brother threatening to kick the ass of some douche bag that hurt me...
Reality TV...
Dinner with my roomate Lauren...
Comfortable silences...
Starbucks and the Sunday paper...
Vaccuum lines in my carpet...
Vanilla and lavender...
Fresh sheets on my bed...
Warm bubble baths...
60 degrees...
Windows open...
Not burning the wick from both ends...
Not feeling guilty when I use retail therapy...
Retail therapy...
Grilling out...
Knowing how far I have come...
David Cook and Mathew McConaughey...
Undeniable chemistry...
Knowing someone finds me irresistable...
Needing somone...
My iPod on the bus ride home at the end of a long day...
"Leavin'" and "Before he Cheats" ringtones...
Dinner at Baja 600 with Angela...
Baking chocolate chip cookies...
Totally open Saturday when I can do whatever I want, and end up doing whatever I want...
Wedding receptions...
Chocolate almond ice cream...
The butterflies a crush gives me...
New issue of Cosmo magazine...
Chai tea Latte...
Kari, Rob and Patrick at Starbucks in City Centre Square...
"Hey There Delilah"...
Pixie cuts...
My Mom's Ramen Salad...
Birthday Cake for Jesus...
Listening to Tommy talk about politics. Actually, listening to Tommy talk about anything...
Amy moving to Kansas City...
Flannel PJ bottoms...
Flip Flops...
Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah...
Flirting...
My sister being a sex educator and knowing more than me...
When clothes fit loosely...
A good hairday...
Make-up...
Getting dressed up...
The smell of the furnace when it first kicks on every fall...
Easter...
Going out for brunch then napping all day...
Walking my dogs...
CDL...
Forgiving...
Mexican food...
"I love you."...
Daily planners...
Hope...
Celebrity gossip...
ANTM...
A great bra...
SNKC
Puppy mills getting busted...
Friday, September 12, 2008
That Perfect Fit
Most of us yearn for a pair of jeans, a pair of shoes, a shirt that is the perfect one; makes us feel good, looks good, we form a relationship with it, take care of it, wash it on delicate, and love it. Some of us have an idea of what the perfect fit is; the perfect Ed Hardy shirt that drapes over the hips and flatters the waist, or the perfect pair of Seven jeans that makes Kim Kardashian envious. So, what happens when you find the perfect Ed Hardy shirt that is everything you always wanted but yet not always available? Sometimes it just can't be worn. Do you keep looking for the perfect Ed Hardy shirt that is always avilable or do you realize what you have is everything you have always wanted yet, just can't be available at all times. We all hate dressing rooms; trying shirts on is so tiresome and exhausting and the same thing over and over again. The perfect shirt makes you feel good about yourself even on your 'bad' days. At the same time, if we've waited this long to find the perfect shirt, why not keep waiting to find the perfect fit, the perfect feel, and a shirt that can be worn whenever you want to wear it? Then you ask yourself, well if the shirt cannot be worn whenever I want to, then the times I can wear it I will really appreciate it.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Baldwin
I am ecstatic to report that my seester and Alix have "adopted" a Rott-mix whom they have named Baldwin. Well, let me rephrase - they are "fostering" a rescue dog however, once you name them and spend hundreds of dollars on them, they aren't going anywhere. Take it from someone who knows - me:)
I am just tickled!! Long story, abuse and neglect of course, and some AWESOME woman that Amy works with who takes in strays and tries to adopt them out. Well, Baldwin is the result of an abandoned unaltered female left to die, an all-to common story. He is pretty thin, as Amy reports and from what I can tell in the pictures.
Amy called me Saturday morning when she was driving to pick him up (1 1/2 hour drive mind you!) I walked into the kitchen while I was still on the phone with Amy to announce to Lauren the good news and Lauren responded with "Awww that is so great!! Now you have to go teach ghetto kids about STDs to help her out." Aww, gotta love Lauren.
Thank you Amy for taking in Baldwin!!!!
I am just tickled!! Long story, abuse and neglect of course, and some AWESOME woman that Amy works with who takes in strays and tries to adopt them out. Well, Baldwin is the result of an abandoned unaltered female left to die, an all-to common story. He is pretty thin, as Amy reports and from what I can tell in the pictures.
Amy called me Saturday morning when she was driving to pick him up (1 1/2 hour drive mind you!) I walked into the kitchen while I was still on the phone with Amy to announce to Lauren the good news and Lauren responded with "Awww that is so great!! Now you have to go teach ghetto kids about STDs to help her out." Aww, gotta love Lauren.
Thank you Amy for taking in Baldwin!!!!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Pretty cool
I have such a crush. I have not successfully sabotaged it this time. Although I tried. Which, he clearly deserves a gold medal for putting up with that. He really is pretty great. He is hysterical. He makes me laugh. He is sensitive. He is sincere. He isn't judgmental. He is caring. He is pretty cool. He is really sexy too. I like him.
Don't Breed or Buy While Shelter Dogs Die....and other opinions of mine...
Let me clarify my animal activism stance:
1) I abhor breeders. There is no point to breed. NONE. NONE WHATSOEVER. 12 million dogs are euthanized every year and you are going to tell me there is ANY good reason to breed more?!? For money??? I dont care if Joe Schmoe wants a PUREBRED Pointer from the best breeder in the midwest, and I dont care if Barbie Baldwin wants her min-pin or her shit-zu and wants "the best" which means spending $2000 instead of the $100 adoption fee. I just dont care!! There are purebreds, puppies, etc. etc. etc. at every shelter in every county in the country. In fact, there are actual BREED SPECIFIC RESCUE GROUPS i.e. you can google "midwest pitbull rescue" or "east coast pomeranian rescue" or "southern golden retriever rescue".
2) Puppy Mills are all over this country, tragically, and are absolute HELL ON EARTH for these animals. The puppy mill "breeders" have female (bitches) whom they breed repeatedly until their bodies fall apart. Literally. The female dogs are bred every single heat cycle from their first heat cycle (typically around age 6-8 months) until their vulva and uterus hang out of their rectum. Becuase puppy mill people are white-trash pieces of shit, they also do their best to make sure the animals (both females and males - "studs") are comfortable, living in cages so tiny they cannot stand up, which means their muscles atrophy and usually when a puppy mill is "busted" the animals have completely lost use of these legs, oftentimes have to have them amputated. They live in their own feces and urine, cage upon cage upon wire cage of hell. Now, for the idiots out there who STILL want a dog from a breeder or a pet store (pet stores get ALL their dogs from Puppy mills, and anyone purchasing from a Breeder has NO WAY to ensure it is NOT a puppy mill) need to know that siblings are being bred with siblings and parents are being bred with offspring and if just being an ethical, humane human being isn't reason enough to NOT go to a breeder or puppy mill, maybe the proceeding vet bills will be?
3) Pitbulls are my passion. They are my passion because they are misunderstood. I love all dogs. ALL. I had a Rottweiler, and that was my first taste of the "Bully Breeds". PROVEN FACT: pitbulls are, genetically and trait characteristically, the best dogs with small children, one of the most intelligent breeds, one of the most loyal breeds, and one of the LEAST AGGRESSIVE BREEDS. Now, the reason we hear about pitbull bites' and attacks is because their jaws are genetically stronger (because of the bloodlines and the jackasses who have been breeding them) so WHEN a pitbull DOES bite, it can be fatal. However, Jack Russell Terriers, Chihuahuas and Cocker Spaniels are MORE apt to attack and/or bite!! Pitbulls have been banned in every area of the Greater KC area except for KCMO. Which, is where I live. There are 5 points (characteristics and/or traits) in determining if a mix-breed has pitbull, and you cannot have a dog that meets any of these traits in Leawood, Joco, Gladstone, Olathe, Liberty, and I'm sure many others that I am forgetting. IF you live in KCMO you may have a pit or pit-mix as long as the dog is altered (spayed or neutered). The ignorance of, and education level of, and, apparent empathy level of, the morons who fight and abuse bully breeds, are directly related to the reason these pathetic individuals own, breed, fight, use, abuse, neglect, starve and murder bully breeds. Yes, it is an education issue. Yes, it is a cultural issue. I have worked with animal rescue and pitbull rescue for years and the fighting rings are either found in trailer parks or in the ghetto. Starving, emaciated, abused and dumped dogs are found in the ghetto. This is not a race issue - this is a poverty and education and cultural issue. Now, there was a dog-fighting ring that was broken up in Johnson County last year. And, there is an exception to every rule.
4) Why even have a dog if you are going to chain it up, outside, in freezing cold ice and rain, blistering heat, and tornadoes? Why? Why chain a dog up outside? Dogs are companion animals, they're meant to be a part of your family, in your house. I throw up in my mouth a little every time I hear someone say "oh he is too big to be in the house" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET A BIG DOG??? There are enough intelligent people out there who realize you shouldn't discriminate and small dog, big dog, black dog, white dog, drooling dog, prissy dog, whatever the dog they all deserve to be inside, party-of-the-family dogs!! WE - human beings - domesticated wolves into dogs therefore it is our RESPONSIBILITY to take care of them!!!
I was at the Penn Valley Dog Park today and was approached by a really nice gentleman who had a 'mix' puppy. He complemented Stella's coat. Stella is my pit-mix. Let me rephrase, Stella is my nearly 90-lb thinks she is a lap dog pit mix. He complemented her coat and her demeanor. He then overheard me call her Stella and said "I know another American Staffordshire Terrier named Stella." The man, being politically correct as, there really is no such breed as a pitbull, they're called American Staffordshire Terriers... was very sweet, and very complementary which, we all know is the way to my heart when you complement my dogs:) He proceeded to tell me the other Stella he knew was a pure-bred pitbull his friend has spent thousands of dollars on. I didn't get on my soapbox, don't worry.
I'm just going to throw one more statistic out there for you before I move onto my next activity - of the 10,000 dogs that were euthanized at KC Animal Control last year (2007) more than 3500 were pitbull mixes. There are hundreds of breeds recognized by the American Kennel Club and more than 35% of 10,000 dogs euthanized WERE ONE OF THESE BREEDS.
1) I abhor breeders. There is no point to breed. NONE. NONE WHATSOEVER. 12 million dogs are euthanized every year and you are going to tell me there is ANY good reason to breed more?!? For money??? I dont care if Joe Schmoe wants a PUREBRED Pointer from the best breeder in the midwest, and I dont care if Barbie Baldwin wants her min-pin or her shit-zu and wants "the best" which means spending $2000 instead of the $100 adoption fee. I just dont care!! There are purebreds, puppies, etc. etc. etc. at every shelter in every county in the country. In fact, there are actual BREED SPECIFIC RESCUE GROUPS i.e. you can google "midwest pitbull rescue" or "east coast pomeranian rescue" or "southern golden retriever rescue".
2) Puppy Mills are all over this country, tragically, and are absolute HELL ON EARTH for these animals. The puppy mill "breeders" have female (bitches) whom they breed repeatedly until their bodies fall apart. Literally. The female dogs are bred every single heat cycle from their first heat cycle (typically around age 6-8 months) until their vulva and uterus hang out of their rectum. Becuase puppy mill people are white-trash pieces of shit, they also do their best to make sure the animals (both females and males - "studs") are comfortable, living in cages so tiny they cannot stand up, which means their muscles atrophy and usually when a puppy mill is "busted" the animals have completely lost use of these legs, oftentimes have to have them amputated. They live in their own feces and urine, cage upon cage upon wire cage of hell. Now, for the idiots out there who STILL want a dog from a breeder or a pet store (pet stores get ALL their dogs from Puppy mills, and anyone purchasing from a Breeder has NO WAY to ensure it is NOT a puppy mill) need to know that siblings are being bred with siblings and parents are being bred with offspring and if just being an ethical, humane human being isn't reason enough to NOT go to a breeder or puppy mill, maybe the proceeding vet bills will be?
3) Pitbulls are my passion. They are my passion because they are misunderstood. I love all dogs. ALL. I had a Rottweiler, and that was my first taste of the "Bully Breeds". PROVEN FACT: pitbulls are, genetically and trait characteristically, the best dogs with small children, one of the most intelligent breeds, one of the most loyal breeds, and one of the LEAST AGGRESSIVE BREEDS. Now, the reason we hear about pitbull bites' and attacks is because their jaws are genetically stronger (because of the bloodlines and the jackasses who have been breeding them) so WHEN a pitbull DOES bite, it can be fatal. However, Jack Russell Terriers, Chihuahuas and Cocker Spaniels are MORE apt to attack and/or bite!! Pitbulls have been banned in every area of the Greater KC area except for KCMO. Which, is where I live. There are 5 points (characteristics and/or traits) in determining if a mix-breed has pitbull, and you cannot have a dog that meets any of these traits in Leawood, Joco, Gladstone, Olathe, Liberty, and I'm sure many others that I am forgetting. IF you live in KCMO you may have a pit or pit-mix as long as the dog is altered (spayed or neutered). The ignorance of, and education level of, and, apparent empathy level of, the morons who fight and abuse bully breeds, are directly related to the reason these pathetic individuals own, breed, fight, use, abuse, neglect, starve and murder bully breeds. Yes, it is an education issue. Yes, it is a cultural issue. I have worked with animal rescue and pitbull rescue for years and the fighting rings are either found in trailer parks or in the ghetto. Starving, emaciated, abused and dumped dogs are found in the ghetto. This is not a race issue - this is a poverty and education and cultural issue. Now, there was a dog-fighting ring that was broken up in Johnson County last year. And, there is an exception to every rule.
4) Why even have a dog if you are going to chain it up, outside, in freezing cold ice and rain, blistering heat, and tornadoes? Why? Why chain a dog up outside? Dogs are companion animals, they're meant to be a part of your family, in your house. I throw up in my mouth a little every time I hear someone say "oh he is too big to be in the house" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET A BIG DOG??? There are enough intelligent people out there who realize you shouldn't discriminate and small dog, big dog, black dog, white dog, drooling dog, prissy dog, whatever the dog they all deserve to be inside, party-of-the-family dogs!! WE - human beings - domesticated wolves into dogs therefore it is our RESPONSIBILITY to take care of them!!!
I was at the Penn Valley Dog Park today and was approached by a really nice gentleman who had a 'mix' puppy. He complemented Stella's coat. Stella is my pit-mix. Let me rephrase, Stella is my nearly 90-lb thinks she is a lap dog pit mix. He complemented her coat and her demeanor. He then overheard me call her Stella and said "I know another American Staffordshire Terrier named Stella." The man, being politically correct as, there really is no such breed as a pitbull, they're called American Staffordshire Terriers... was very sweet, and very complementary which, we all know is the way to my heart when you complement my dogs:) He proceeded to tell me the other Stella he knew was a pure-bred pitbull his friend has spent thousands of dollars on. I didn't get on my soapbox, don't worry.
I'm just going to throw one more statistic out there for you before I move onto my next activity - of the 10,000 dogs that were euthanized at KC Animal Control last year (2007) more than 3500 were pitbull mixes. There are hundreds of breeds recognized by the American Kennel Club and more than 35% of 10,000 dogs euthanized WERE ONE OF THESE BREEDS.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Censorship, Memories and The Hot Dentist...
Carrie Bradshaw somehow did it so that no one was offended, no one assumed she was talking about them. So, can I do it? I realize one can google my name (smart one Sarah - having my IP address be my full name. By smart, I mean retarded) and read pretty much everything about the inner-workings of my life; my dating, my family, friends, dogs, shelter work, job at firm, etc. etc. etc. So, I ask myself, "do I censor?" Clearly I will not censor however I do have to be cognizant of people's feelings. However, this blog is actually read by people who actually really enjoy it real strangers who enjoy it so, I think it only be keeping true to myself and my readers to not censor. And put myself out there. Although, I vow to myself and my friends and family this blog will not become my way of communicating and confronting issues we have; those I vow to communicate directly.
This morning as I was laying in bed in the midst of 12 legs, 12 paws, 3 lapping tongues and a few Chewbacca noises it occured to me how precious memories are. Tyler was all snuggled up to me and I closed my eyes and prayed I would never forget that moment. That, when he is gone, I will remember the way his fur felt, the way he smelled, the way he nudged me, the noises he makes, the way his chest moved up and down when he breathed. I can't remember what Misha smelled like. I can't remember what she sounded like, I can barely remember what she felt like. I can however remember how she looked at me with her beautiful brown doe eyes. She was so gorgeous. I went to dinner last night with M, we sat outside, the weather was perfect probably 65 and overcast, and there was a little 2-man keyboard/drum duo playing, then a woman with a gorgeous voice, Millie, would sing. I just sat there thinking, chances are this wont work out but I always want to remember this moment. Then I felt his hand on my leg and just smiled. Memories.
Earlier today I took the dogs to Penn Valley. Stella wouldn't leave my side, Tyler keep running up to much larger, un-nuetered males, all puffed up, and Max had to mark absolutely every blade of grass. And dog. I dont want to forget that either. The weather was (again) perfect, the dogs were happy, I was happy, great conversation with other dog-lovers (and there were very few who were obviously from breeders!) and the Roasterie even donated coffee. It was such a perfect morning!
Tommy and Bibi and my little Peanut Head came over last night. I told them this following story and I can honestly say I have not seen them laugh this hard. Ever. So, thought I'd blog the following story...Last Thursday morning I had a dentist appt. At 7am. Yes, nice f-ing way to begin your day, huh? Well for anyone who knows me you know I am completely OCD about my teeth (and house!) I bleach, brush, floss, etc. so I didn't anticipate anything would come out of the check-up besides extremely white and clean teeth. Well it was a new dental office - up north, with my new insurance from the firm. I was wearing my little Ann Taylor "June Cleaver" dress with black heels however it was TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR outside so I wore my flip-flops to get to and from the car. I walked in, and two women, Mary and Cammie, were at the front desk. It was 6:50am. I was the first person they'd seen that morning. I walked in, shook the rain off my umbrella, checked-in, and sat down. At this point, the front door opens and in walks Dr. McDreamy in his scrubs. I assumed this would be the only glimpse of him I would get, as everyone knows the hygenist cleans your teeth, and since I wouldn't have any issues, I wouldn't need to see the Dentist. So Courtney the cute hygenist, calls me into the room. I lay down, open my mouth, she compliments my teeth and my smile, proceeds to ask me 'yes' and 'no' questions while she violates my mouth, and takes the standard "bite-wing" xrays. Then I hear "You about ready for me Courtney?" and she says "Yes Dr. T" Well of course, at this point I can't see anything but the ceiling...then I felt him sit next to me, and he extended his hand and introduced himself, as CT (of course you know I wont give you his name) BUT point is he introduced himself on a first-name basis. The hygenist called him Dr. but, apparently I could call him C. So, C proceeds to compliment my teeth, look at the xrays, and tell me I have a very tiny cavity. I froze. I HATE NEEDLES. I HATE PAIN. I HATE DRILLS. AND I HATE CAVITIES. But mostly, at this point I was hating MCDREAMY. He also pointed out a teeny tiny little itty bitty chip that I have. He asked how it happened. Instead of telling him it was a drunken episode when I face-planted on my front step, I mumbled something about one of my dogs. He acted very interested and immediately wanted to know what kind of dogs, etc. Of course, I didn't mention I had 3. Nor that one was of the pitbull lineage. Now, back to the cavity. ..I immediately started panicking and shaking, and asked if I had to have it taken care of today. He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "no, but you should." I started crying. YES I AM SPECIAL. Well, not really CRYING like sobbing, but tears were definitely streaming down my face. He was so concerned, and most likely shocked that I was a 33 year-old woman crying and panicked because of a cavity. He assured me it wouldn't hurt, he could give me a shot that wouldn't hurt. Then I really started panicking. "Ok, I will give you a topical so you wont even feel the needle, I promise, I am very good at giving shots." hee. hee. Mind in gutter. Okay, that is fine. So I made the appointment for 2 weeks away which, gives me 2 weeks to have a panic attack. I asked the receptionist if I would be able to go to work the next day and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. In addition to reassuring me that he would make my experience painless, C also told me he would file the chip in my perfect teeth. Ahh....my own McDreamy.
It's Saturday afternoon, I'm sitting on my big cushy chair with Stella - who is taking up 3/4 of the chair. Good thing I'm small, its lightly drizzling out. What a perfect day.
This morning as I was laying in bed in the midst of 12 legs, 12 paws, 3 lapping tongues and a few Chewbacca noises it occured to me how precious memories are. Tyler was all snuggled up to me and I closed my eyes and prayed I would never forget that moment. That, when he is gone, I will remember the way his fur felt, the way he smelled, the way he nudged me, the noises he makes, the way his chest moved up and down when he breathed. I can't remember what Misha smelled like. I can't remember what she sounded like, I can barely remember what she felt like. I can however remember how she looked at me with her beautiful brown doe eyes. She was so gorgeous. I went to dinner last night with M, we sat outside, the weather was perfect probably 65 and overcast, and there was a little 2-man keyboard/drum duo playing, then a woman with a gorgeous voice, Millie, would sing. I just sat there thinking, chances are this wont work out but I always want to remember this moment. Then I felt his hand on my leg and just smiled. Memories.
Earlier today I took the dogs to Penn Valley. Stella wouldn't leave my side, Tyler keep running up to much larger, un-nuetered males, all puffed up, and Max had to mark absolutely every blade of grass. And dog. I dont want to forget that either. The weather was (again) perfect, the dogs were happy, I was happy, great conversation with other dog-lovers (and there were very few who were obviously from breeders!) and the Roasterie even donated coffee. It was such a perfect morning!
Tommy and Bibi and my little Peanut Head came over last night. I told them this following story and I can honestly say I have not seen them laugh this hard. Ever. So, thought I'd blog the following story...Last Thursday morning I had a dentist appt. At 7am. Yes, nice f-ing way to begin your day, huh? Well for anyone who knows me you know I am completely OCD about my teeth (and house!) I bleach, brush, floss, etc. so I didn't anticipate anything would come out of the check-up besides extremely white and clean teeth. Well it was a new dental office - up north, with my new insurance from the firm. I was wearing my little Ann Taylor "June Cleaver" dress with black heels however it was TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR outside so I wore my flip-flops to get to and from the car. I walked in, and two women, Mary and Cammie, were at the front desk. It was 6:50am. I was the first person they'd seen that morning. I walked in, shook the rain off my umbrella, checked-in, and sat down. At this point, the front door opens and in walks Dr. McDreamy in his scrubs. I assumed this would be the only glimpse of him I would get, as everyone knows the hygenist cleans your teeth, and since I wouldn't have any issues, I wouldn't need to see the Dentist. So Courtney the cute hygenist, calls me into the room. I lay down, open my mouth, she compliments my teeth and my smile, proceeds to ask me 'yes' and 'no' questions while she violates my mouth, and takes the standard "bite-wing" xrays. Then I hear "You about ready for me Courtney?" and she says "Yes Dr. T" Well of course, at this point I can't see anything but the ceiling...then I felt him sit next to me, and he extended his hand and introduced himself, as CT (of course you know I wont give you his name) BUT point is he introduced himself on a first-name basis. The hygenist called him Dr. but, apparently I could call him C. So, C proceeds to compliment my teeth, look at the xrays, and tell me I have a very tiny cavity. I froze. I HATE NEEDLES. I HATE PAIN. I HATE DRILLS. AND I HATE CAVITIES. But mostly, at this point I was hating MCDREAMY. He also pointed out a teeny tiny little itty bitty chip that I have. He asked how it happened. Instead of telling him it was a drunken episode when I face-planted on my front step, I mumbled something about one of my dogs. He acted very interested and immediately wanted to know what kind of dogs, etc. Of course, I didn't mention I had 3. Nor that one was of the pitbull lineage. Now, back to the cavity. ..I immediately started panicking and shaking, and asked if I had to have it taken care of today. He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "no, but you should." I started crying. YES I AM SPECIAL. Well, not really CRYING like sobbing, but tears were definitely streaming down my face. He was so concerned, and most likely shocked that I was a 33 year-old woman crying and panicked because of a cavity. He assured me it wouldn't hurt, he could give me a shot that wouldn't hurt. Then I really started panicking. "Ok, I will give you a topical so you wont even feel the needle, I promise, I am very good at giving shots." hee. hee. Mind in gutter. Okay, that is fine. So I made the appointment for 2 weeks away which, gives me 2 weeks to have a panic attack. I asked the receptionist if I would be able to go to work the next day and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. In addition to reassuring me that he would make my experience painless, C also told me he would file the chip in my perfect teeth. Ahh....my own McDreamy.
It's Saturday afternoon, I'm sitting on my big cushy chair with Stella - who is taking up 3/4 of the chair. Good thing I'm small, its lightly drizzling out. What a perfect day.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Starbucks
I love Starbucks. And, as of late I have had more memorable experiences there; M and I meet there quite often for coffee. It's nice to see someone I care for, and someone who gives me butterflies, in the middle of the day.
Things that are new since my last post which was in 2002: Family drama - LOTS of family drama. I hate it. hate it. makes me so sad. I will most likely blog about it just not now. Lauren is wonderful, dogs are fabulous, love my job. Just went back to CR last weekend (Labor Day) stayed one night with Dad and one night at Mom and Gary's. Took Ty with me; such good alone-time for him and me. I have a feeling I dont have much time left with him and the thought breaks my heart. Mom and I went to Ellis and downtown and Czech Village to observe the Flood 2008 devastation. I was very teary. Broke my heart. My old hangouts; bars, restaurants, coffee shops, Dad's office...all completely gutted, ruined.
I recently saw the movie "What Happens in Vegas" and Ashton's character doesn't want to gamble because he doesnt want to lose...and he doesn't believe in himself. Cameron's character spends her entire life and all her energy being the person everyone else wants and thinks her to be. I know, crazy that I am identifying with such a comedic parody however I really did...relate. I have never wanted a relationship to work because I was scared of getting hurt. I always sabotage them in the early stages, usually when I feel myself falling, so it doesnt get any more serious. And for a long time there (in my 20s) I remember that horribly lonely feeling of having no idea who I really was because I was so busy concentrating and working on being the perfect daughter, employee, friend, party-buddy, girlfriend, sister, etc. etc. etc. Looking back on it, it was very exhausting.
Now, I am happier than ever because I know exactly who I am. And if 'they' don't like it, fuck 'em!
Random thought - M doesnt seem entirely interested in me or my passions. We seem to talk about him, his son, his family, his ex (ug...another whole bag of worms) his house, etc., I dont know if it is that because he really isn't interested or because he has a different way of showing that he is...maybe he just doesn't pry? I feel like I know way more than I cared to know about his marriage, his ex-wife, his past relationships, dating, etc. and he really hasn't shown an interest in knowing my past experiences or where I am coming from. Granted, the "ex" factor is never fun however I do think it important if one cares to understand where the other is coming from. For example, my fear of being lied to - not cheated on - but lied to and betrayed... oh yeah - another thing, we haven't had the "alcohol" discussion. He knows I dont drink but pretty much hasn't pried. So, shouldn't that be a good thing? I mean, i dont really want to talk about it anyway but maybe i see it as a lack of interest?
Signing off for now....
Things that are new since my last post which was in 2002: Family drama - LOTS of family drama. I hate it. hate it. makes me so sad. I will most likely blog about it just not now. Lauren is wonderful, dogs are fabulous, love my job. Just went back to CR last weekend (Labor Day) stayed one night with Dad and one night at Mom and Gary's. Took Ty with me; such good alone-time for him and me. I have a feeling I dont have much time left with him and the thought breaks my heart. Mom and I went to Ellis and downtown and Czech Village to observe the Flood 2008 devastation. I was very teary. Broke my heart. My old hangouts; bars, restaurants, coffee shops, Dad's office...all completely gutted, ruined.
I recently saw the movie "What Happens in Vegas" and Ashton's character doesn't want to gamble because he doesnt want to lose...and he doesn't believe in himself. Cameron's character spends her entire life and all her energy being the person everyone else wants and thinks her to be. I know, crazy that I am identifying with such a comedic parody however I really did...relate. I have never wanted a relationship to work because I was scared of getting hurt. I always sabotage them in the early stages, usually when I feel myself falling, so it doesnt get any more serious. And for a long time there (in my 20s) I remember that horribly lonely feeling of having no idea who I really was because I was so busy concentrating and working on being the perfect daughter, employee, friend, party-buddy, girlfriend, sister, etc. etc. etc. Looking back on it, it was very exhausting.
Now, I am happier than ever because I know exactly who I am. And if 'they' don't like it, fuck 'em!
Random thought - M doesnt seem entirely interested in me or my passions. We seem to talk about him, his son, his family, his ex (ug...another whole bag of worms) his house, etc., I dont know if it is that because he really isn't interested or because he has a different way of showing that he is...maybe he just doesn't pry? I feel like I know way more than I cared to know about his marriage, his ex-wife, his past relationships, dating, etc. and he really hasn't shown an interest in knowing my past experiences or where I am coming from. Granted, the "ex" factor is never fun however I do think it important if one cares to understand where the other is coming from. For example, my fear of being lied to - not cheated on - but lied to and betrayed... oh yeah - another thing, we haven't had the "alcohol" discussion. He knows I dont drink but pretty much hasn't pried. So, shouldn't that be a good thing? I mean, i dont really want to talk about it anyway but maybe i see it as a lack of interest?
Signing off for now....
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